Since 1982, I have offered up the pains for reparation of abortions committed by others. In a short time, my abdomen becomes swollen and I weigh 8kg more suddenly. I didn’t know at the time how much weight women gain during the pregnancy, but it is known to be 8 to 10 kg more normally.
One day when I went to a convent (in Gyeonggi province), my abdomen suddenly became very swollen. ‘Oh, why has my abdomen become so swollen in the convent?
I stepped onto a weighing scale then. In those days, I weighed 54kg, but at the moment, it read 62kg. I was astonished, ‘Wow, I gained 8kg in weight?’ A pregnant abdomen usually swells gradually. But my abdomen swells in such a short time, that all my other organs were compressed because of that. As a result, my uterus and large intestine completely attached to each other. But I didn’t realize at first because I just as always, offered up my sufferings.
On a separate day, I went to Naju hospital for a pain in my nose. The doctor was reputable. “Oh, ma’am, please lie down here.” ‘My nose hurts, but why is he telling me to lie down?’ I lied down anyway and the doctor started to examine my belly. “Ma’am! Go and consult a gynecologist immediately.” I replied, “But I came here for my nose.” “It’s not a problem with your nose!
There are two top gynecologists in South Korea. One is at Seoul National University Hospital and the other is at Yeosu. Go to Yeosu right now.” So I went there accordingly, the gynecologist said, “Ma’am, your internal organs are in a total mess like rags.” He recommended immediate surgery.
I replied that I would come back after preparing for the surgery. At that time, I used to decide everything only after consulting priests first. So I consulted the priests, and they advised me to proceed with the surgery. I also talked about it with the physician who treated me previously, and He said, “That gynecologist is a really humble man who would never say somebody’s belly turned into “RAGS” even though it is true. Since he mentioned that, you should get the surgery done quickly.”
In those days, we had so many pilgrims from Seoul. I didn’t want any of them to recognize me in a well-known hospital like St. Mary’s in Gangnam, Seoul. So I admitted myself to a major hospital in Busan City. This was in 1989.
I told the chaplain priest when I arrived, “Please never tell anybody that I am hospitalized here.” And he promised me.
However, on the following day, two Religious Sisters came to take care of me without sleep. It was pretty hard for me as I can’t sleep when there is someone next to me.
Even though I can’t eat sashimi at all. They brought me wild sashimi everyday. So I asked the priest, “Why do they keep bringing me sashimi everyday? Didn’t you promise me that you would not tell anybody that I was here?” He answered, “Eating sashimi will help in speedy recovery after surgery, so I asked them to bring you sashimi every day in turns.” However, as I couldn’t eat it at all, the Sisters had the entire plate of sashimi daily.
Since 1986, I have offered up my conjugal relationship with my husband. And for a year, though we were on the same bed, to avoid even touching feet, both of us wore socks to sleep. We offered up that sacrifice.
You know, it’s hard for a couple who have given birth to children not to even share each other’s touch while sleeping. It is great sacrifice.
Though I wanted to sleep alone at night in that hospital, the two Sisters stayed up all night next to me, taking turns without sleeping. ‘Oh, how could the ancient Kings live with their servants keeping their eyes on them all the time?’ It really tortured me. Though I pleaded them to sleep, they didn’t do so. Even when I went to the toilet, they followed me. It was almost unendurable.
For ten days, I decided to offer it up without surgery. I was injected with antibiotics for more than 10 times a day. At the same time, I kept fasting and didn’t eat anything. Because of this, nothing could come out from me. How could I release myself at ease when the sisters followed me even to the toilet? It was no use even though I pleaded with them.
After offering up these pains for 10 days, I was almost at the point of dying. There was no other choice except a hysterectomy. The gynecologist asked me, “When was your last childbirth?” “It was about 8 or 9 years ago.” But I wasn’t sure. “Are you kidding me? That can’t be true with your uterus enlarged like this.” The doctor thought, ‘She must have had a late abortion.’ He said my uterus was extremely big.
Then, I surely learned. ‘Oh, during a pregnancy, a uterus gets bigger to make room for a baby to grow there. Whenever I am in pain for the atonement of abortions, my uterus actually expands like that.’ So, I realized this for sure at the time.
Then, Julio told me, “Honey! Now that you are without a uterus, you don’t need to suffer any more pains in atonement for the sins of abortion.” I replied, “Well if God wills it, what can He not do?” And I have been suffering the very pains of reparation for abortions until now.
