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The Way of Love for the Lord
Chapter 49. Vinegar mixed with gall (August 19, 1982, in the afternoon)
We were so immersed in the conversation that we were unaware that dawn had already broken until the house owners who were a couple returned home. We looked up at the clock and were surprised to find that it was already past eight o’clock. We made haste to leave for Dong-Sung High School even without washing our faces. When we arrived there, the retreat was under way. I sat between Ursula and the catechumen. While holding the catechumen with my right hand and Ursula with my left hand during the homily, I ceaselessly prayed for them with an earnest heart. “Lord! I believe that You will sow good seeds in our hearts through the priest’s mouth. Please pull out all the weeds and remove stones from our hearts so that the seeds You planted may sprout, grow well, put forth flowers, and bear good fruits. Bestow Your abundant graces upon us so that we may be the instruments to feed the fruits to hungry souls.” At about 3:00 p.m. I saw a vision; Jesus appeared before me wearing a red mantle. Light shining like the sunbeam radiated from His Heart and penetrated my chest. I was totally enraptured by it. A while later, He handed me a powdered medicine and a dark brown glass bottle containing about 70 to 80 ml of liquid, saying, “Now, My baby! Drink this.” Upon receiving them, I put the white powder into the bottle and shook it. When I drank it, it tasted horribly bitter. Even now when I am writing this article, just thinking about that bitter taste makes my mouth water. Even after the vision ended, the pain from the bitter taste continued to stay. Whenever I breathed, the bitterness entered the depths of my lungs, causing me extreme pain to the point where I could not speak. Thanking the Lord for allowing me to participate in the pain that the Lord had suffered, I offered up the pain wholly for the sake of the Lord and for the conversion of sinners including myself. “Lord! When You were stripped of Your clothes and had to taste the vinegar mixed with gall on the Way of the Cross, did it taste bitter and disgusting like this? I am truly thankful to You for having permitted me, a sinner, to participate even a little in the pain that You had suffered when you tasted the vinegar mixed with gall. As I entrust myself to You, make use of me all the time according to Your Will. I am Yours.” “Oh, My little soul! You are My love, My little baby.” “Oh, my Lord, my Beloved! You know well that I am unworthy and weak, and I have so many rough edges that need to be polished. You, with the Precious Blood from Your Five Wounds, has washed and wiped my pitiable, wretched soul and body, freeing what has been clogged so that I could be born anew. Therefore, receive praise, thanksgiving, glory and adoration from this unworthy sinner forever and ever, and let my gratitude never dry up.” I continued to pray, shedding tears and the two women beside me cried along. After the retreat ended, the catechumen said to me, “Frankly speaking, until yesterday I had hated to listen to the homily because I felt it would be so boring. I thought that I would go back to Gwangju the next day instead of attending the retreat but as you unexpectedly came to my house, I became worried and thought, ‘Now, I won’t be able to go back to Gwangju because of Julia. How will I be able to listen to the boring homily tomorrow?’ To my surprise, I liked it very much today because it was easy to understand.” “Lord! As You have arranged that I would meet these women against my will, completely transform them through the Holy Spirit. Unless we, who are always unworthy, are reborn anew through the Holy Spirit, we are no more than pathetic and weak humans. Therefore, sanctify them so that they may accomplish Your Will. Amen.”
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