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The Way of Love for the Lord
Chapter 34. Now I will clear the banquet table. (April 21, 1982) Since the Lord healed me just before my death and even made me look like a 19-year-old girl, volunteers for the charismatic movement had mistaken me, a housewife with four children, for an unmarried lady. They had even said that it was so nice to have an unmarried volunteer amongst them. They used to make me stand in the center of them at great prayer events. At that time, I had always tried to serve the attendees with a smiling face. Many of them would call me a young pretty volunteer or a helper whose face was always beaming with smiles. Each time I heard the complimentary remarks, I would reply, “No, I only did what I was supposed to do. Nevertheless, if by chance there was any good thing done by me, the Lord did it personally by using me as His instrument just for a little while. If there was any bad thing done by me, I did it myself.” Meantime, I was also embarrassed that some volunteers began glaring at me in a disapproving manner. I made efforts to be more humble by accepting all this as the love coming from the Lord who intended to discipline me. Then I clearly realized that even if some people judge or slander me, they are instruments to lead me to humility. Therefore, I thought of them as my spiritual benefactors. Every time I met them, I did not bear grudges against them. Rather I expressed my thanks to them by lowering my head more humbly. As I spiritually grew a little more, it occurred to me that they were inflicting wounds to the Heart of Jesus by committing the sins of jealousy and of rash judgement because of me. This thought made me decide that I would work for the Lord by being unseen by others. Another reason I resolved to work hidden was because I came to realize that even if we do many good things for the Lord, they are not done by us but by the Lord and that we are mere instruments used by Him just for a little while, so He alone deserves all glory. Whenever I saw some volunteers boasting about what they had achieved as if they had done it by and for themselves, I felt so much pain in my heart that I made up my mind to work hidden. I said to Mr. Paul Lee, president of the charismatic movement, “President! Until now I have worked as a volunteer, which I think is like preparing a banquet and feeding the food to the hungry on the banquet table. From now on, I will clear the banquet table secretly, unseen by others” Then I quit my service work as a volunteer.* After that, I offered up my prayers and pains to the Lord unseen by others for the conversion of sinners and for the sanctification of the clergy, laying down all of myself unsparingly for the sake of many souls. “Lord! I am none other than a sinner, but I am going to lay down my life for Your sake. Make use of me, a sinner, according to Your will.” “My extremely beloved baby! My little soul whom I love! Because of your humility of trying to hide yourself, you were able to come into My Truth and become united with My love.” * Julia wanted to quit her service work right away, but Mr. Paul Lee, president of the charismatic movement in Gwangju, asked her not to resign. So Julia extended her voluntary work for about one more year.
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