|
|
|
|
The Way of Love for the Lord
Chapter 40. “What should I do?“ (July 9, 1982) There was a retreat where a lot of patients attended. Among them was an old man with rectal cancer. He was lying there with no one taking care of him. As even his family was nowhere to be seen around him, I decided to look after him. The most difficult part in taking care of him was when he needed to use the bathroom. But after he finished using the toilet, I willingly cleaned him without thinking that it was dirty. I thought to myself, ‘Why has he been left alone? Where is his family?’ Soon I came to know that nobody was willing to come closer to him because he was stinky. Even other volunteer for the retreat, who saw me looking after him, began to scold me. “Julia, don’t you know that there are other things you have to do now? Why are you only tied to him, doing nothing else?” I replied, “I am sorry. But this man cannot move by himself. I just wanted to take care of him.” As soon as my words ended, they turned around, saying, “Do as you please.” I came closer to him again and prayed for him. “Lord! Spare this man his life. He was deserted by his own family. I can do nothing. Lord, please come to this man and heal him with the Holy Spirit or else I will receive all his pain instead if he could recover from his cancer through my redemptive suffering.” One volunteer who happened to hear my prayer said to me, “Julia, how proud you are to pray like that! Why do you say that you will suffer his pain? It is not you but the Lord who ought to receive pain.” I was surprised that the volunteer, who was supposed to work in unity by making the Lord’s love known, was so harsh in the way she talked. What was more surprising was her statement that the Lord ought to suffer our pain. I felt like my heart was being frozen with an overwhelming shock, but it was also my fault. I should have prayed in silence. The sound of my prayer for the agonizing patient must have been heard by everyone around me against my will, because I had cried out in tears embracing him. I said to her, “I am sorry. From now on I will be more careful.” I apologized to her politely by bowing my head. The patient was at a loss for what to do. Holding my hands tightly and shedding tears, he said to me, “I am sorry.” I could not leave him alone. So after getting permission from the one in charge of the retreat, I continued to attend to him. I thought to myself, ‘How can one who has never been hungry know the taste of the bread that the hungry eat? How can one who has never had cancer imagine the bitter taste of the pain that the cancer patients have to suffer?’ I took care of him with love and devotion all the more because I thought I should make reparations for that volunteer who had reprimanded me. At about 3:00 a.m., I came to receive pain in his place. And Jesus appeared very vividly wearing a red mantle in front of the altar. While Jesus was looking around at all those attending the retreat, He had a very sad and painful expression and looked like he would cry at any moment. At that time, part of the clothes covering His chest opened to reveal His Heart, which started to tear apart into pieces. Blood continuously flowed from His torn Heart. It was such a miserable scene that I screamed loudly, oblivious to those around me. “O Lord, my Beloved! What should I do about Your wounded Heart?” The Lord said with a loud voice, “My Sacred Heart is being torn apart like this whenever souls in the world commit sins. Therefore, I ask that at least you who know Me, mend this shattered Heart of Mine.” “O Lord! I will mend Your broken Heart...” Because I yelled in tears, all those around me wept along. Even now when I am writing about this incident, tears blur my eyes as the image of Jesus who looked so miserable at that time is still vivid in my mind. After Jesus stopped speaking, I found that the cancer patient had already gotten better. He even managed to go to the bathroom by himself.
|
